Sunday, October 10, 2010

Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are...

I had planned to do this post on Monday, October 11th.  I’ve bumped it up though because I am royally ticked off.  Please excuse me for ranting.

The Human Rights Campaign is running a Facebook app right now where you can donate your status to them in support of National Coming Out Day.  I wholeheartedly believe in this cause, so I willingly signed up. Yesterday a “friend” posted this in response to my latest status update:

ah.....don't think so, the Bible still says its a sin...and it's not going to change with the times, its rock solid 

WTF?  Really?  I’m all for intelligent conversation about our differing opinions, but how does a comment like that help anything?  Tell me what it is about a gay relationship that you personally find threatening.  Tell me about how it has impacted your home, your marriage, your life.  I’m a good listener.  But don’t just condemn it because some book told you it was wrong ~ and I’ll spare you my opinion on organized religion and Christianity in particular, m’kay?   

But maybe I should cool down and start at the beginning...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

He was 13 years old that afternoon.  He wanted to talk.  Even though I was distracted, I could see it was important.  He started shaking.

“Mom, I’m.... I’m gay.”

“Is that all?  I thought you broke something!”

Relief flooded his face, and we both started laughing.  His announcement wasn’t a surprise.  I had suspected for a long time.  All I’ve ever wanted for my kids is for them to live in truth.  This was his.

Eventually, most of our extended family was told.  Some had reservations.

“He’s too young to know for sure.”

My response:

“Did you like boys when you were 13?  Well, so does he.”

I have no illusions that everyone will accept him for who he is.  I worry every day about some idiot out there choosing to take out their issues on my son simply because he is gay.  But for now, I am here for my son.  So are his siblings, including his straight twin brother.  We even threw him a surprise “Coming Out” party one year.


Today, he is a strong adult who is secure in who and what he is.  He recently graduated from college with degrees in Psychology, Sociology, and Women's Studies.... with honors... in 4 years.  I can't help but wonder how different his life might have been if he had felt he had to hide his true feelings and live life in the shadows.  I'm glad he didn't have to.

Bran, sweetie, I love you.  You are spectacular just the way you are.    

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

But back to the Facebook rant.  My "friend" continued to spout religious dogma at my page for a while last night.  One or more of my children might have been a little less than kind in response.  I can't say that I blame them.  I didn't go to her wall and post my personal opinions for her friends and family to see (man, this all sounds so junior high, doesn't it?).  But I am also not deleting it.  I want it there.  I want others to see how far we still have to go to before we will finally have equality and acceptance for everyone.  I'm hopeful that it will be in my lifetime.  Too many young adults have died recently thinking that there was no hope for them.  No hope for a better life.  They were so wrong.  If you personally know someone who might be at risk, please let them know that it does get better.  Oh, and please consider attending a National Coming Out Day rally tomorrow.  They will be occurring all over the country

As a parent, I have pretty simple wishes for my kids.  I want all three of my children to live happy, healthy lives.  I hope they all someday find the love of their lives, get married (legally!), have 2.5 kids, and live happily ever after.  Especially the 2.5 kids because I think I’ll be a fantastic grandma... and I'm selfish like that.  Are you listening, oh children of mine?

Note:  Bran gave me permission to post his story and photos.


  1. What a moving post! I can't tell you how in awe I am of you and your for being such an accepting and loving mother and him for being so courageous at such a difficult age.

  2. I think you'll be a fantastic grandma just as you are a FANTASTIC mother. My God, this post is the best stuff I have read in quite some time! For one thing, I love ranting, so you had me at the beginning, especially when it involves the games people play on FB. I love how the Christians come home to roost on FB. As your post progressed, I loved you more and more. Bran is inspiring, and I don't mean only in his personal life, but especially in his academic one: 3 majors! I am not worthy!

  3. I came here to see your keyhole art, but stumbled on this post. Thanks for being a terrific mom, and hope someday, some lucky little one calls you Grandma. It is called "unconditional love". Too bad so many parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, and so called friends, don't know the meaning. Your kids are very lucky to have a beautiful mother, and Bran, WOW, what parent wouldn't beam to have such a son. Much love coming your way.